i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
