end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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