Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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