what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Randomize
