To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm drive I can fine osifer
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
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