Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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