Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize