have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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