filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
