I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
