last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
