fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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