If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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