five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
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