"it" just moved
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize