I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize