his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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