i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
