I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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