i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
