I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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