I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
