I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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