the condom got lost in my hair
time to smoke my breakfast
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
It's shark week go big or go home
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
