How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
