Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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