everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
