Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
