somebody snuck up and got me drunk
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
