You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Randomize
