I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
you inspire me to be a worse person
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
We have so much sex to catch up on
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
