you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
