so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Randomize
