Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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