Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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