i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
