at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
