So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
