Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I'm like, not good at living.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
