Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
