Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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