Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
