he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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