I just threw up on my dentist
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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