Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
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