Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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