Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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