Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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