god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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