Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
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