If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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