i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
