I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Randomize
