I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
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