There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
