His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
