do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
