I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He? As in you personified your dick?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
