great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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