he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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