A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
